helloooo out there!

Summer has struck, and now i have, in my time of boredom, an opportunity to venture back into the good 'ole days and barf in words my thoughts and doings in the last 7 months.

I shall begin my post on a tragic, sad, and tearful note.  i know, I do not wish to ruin any beautiful days or rain on any parades, but the news I am about to bear is of upmost importance, and cannot be held in.  my dear friend, namely mama mchill, has left us to swim in the realm of heavenly goldfish full of 10 virgin male/female (whichever mama is not) turtles.  mama has died.  i do not wish to elaborate, but cry a few tears and take a moment of silence for our dear lost pet.                                                                                                   moment over.   i will net forget mama.  mama was one shell of a pet, i do not know how the shell she died, but i do know that she did not go to shell.  mama, you will be missed.  

I learned something cool this semester.  I learned it in physics, which is a hard hard class and I wish you luck if you dare to take it.  anyhow, despite the struggle to survive this course, I did, as i said, learn something cool.  Apparently, if you move really really really fast, as in near the speed of light (300000000 meters/second), then time will slow down for you in relation to time on earth.  So, if you go cruising off into outerspace on a spaceship that goes the speed of light, and you are gone for ten years, then you will come back and all of your buddies will be about 5 years older than you.  according to your time, you aged 15 years, and according to earth time, they aged 15 years, but your aging compared to theirs is 5 years less.  Here's the catch:  it is impossible to travel the speed of light, or even to get near it.  only small particles can do it, not large objects (as in a spaceship).  So basically, only the chinese will ever be able to age at a slower rate.  Now, here are the useful applications of such slow aging:

if you have a crush on a younger person, but want them to be your age, you can cruise off for a designated time and come back, and they'll be your age.

you know how it kinds stinks that, if your younger than someone, you will NEVER, EVER, EVER be older than them, no matter how long you live?  well, you can fly off and come back, and then they'll be older than you.

if you want your 21st birthday to come faster, then you can fly off, come back, and you'll be 21 (on earth time, although you havent quite aged 21 years).

if you are crappy at waiting for cookies to come out of the over, you can buzz off, buzz back, and the cookies will be done.

these are only a few of the cool things that you could do if you could travel at near the speed of light.  Also, if you wanted to be shorter, you could fly by someone on earth, and they would see you as being shorter than you really are (assuming they could see you traveling at such high speeds). 

i wonder if you went really, really, really, stinking slow, if you would get taller, or if time would speed up.  maybe thats why snails dont live very long. 

that is what i learned this semester.  i do not know how the found this out, but einstein came up with it, and he had cool hair, so it must be a fact. 

oh the pleasurable things in life.  many things are such, oh so many things put a smile on my face and shiver me timbers.  but among these things is a thing that outdoes the other things.  you all are bound to agree with me on this one, for i know what i am talking about.  i am talking about an experience that lightens the moods and makes any day better.  its an experience known not only by kings, but by the rest of us as well.  it is, as you have already guessed, a spoonfull of the marshmallows in lucky charms.

mmmm mmm mmmm, medicine for the happy heart is what i say.  its the best.  if you are willing to take the time to eat all of the wheaty, non-marshmallows of the cereal, the reward far outwieghs the work.  not much beats the feeling of looking into that bowl of sweet desire and seeing a layer of marshmallers floating on that wonderful milk.  mmmmmm.  you take a bite, and the sweet sugar satisfies the soul.  simply the best, simply the best.  when they make lucky charms with only the marshmallows, i just may drop everything and invest every penny into boxes and boxes of rainbows and clouds and little irish men.  i like me lucky charms. 

oh, and just so you know, mawma bit brad yesterday.  i did not witness it, but i hear it was great.  what a good turtle.  "watch" dog my rearend, i have a flippin "watch and destroy" turtle.  beware of turtle

some things are just plain awesome.  i am happy to say that i have one of these most awesome things in my very own room.  in fact, it is living in my room.  THE BEAST ABOVE is in hiding so far this year, but i have moved on.  i have moved on to THE BEAST BELOW!  below water, that is.  oohhh yeah, i currently have 13 goldfish in my room.  awesome, you bet.  the most awesome, far from it.  the goldfish, mind you, are not my pets.  the goldfish are, in fact, dinner.  no, i dont eat goldfish, but mawma does.  mawma is our animal of prey.  mawma is coated with an unpenatrable armour, with jaws of steel that tear a fish with one swift snap.  mawma is our turtle.  yellow bellied slider at that.

we have had mawma for 2 weeks now.  luckily, goldfish are cheap.  the first night of our third amigo, she showed us her power.  as we were watching, mawma demonstrated how skilled and awesome she really is.  showing off like a middle schooler on the first day of school, she swam under a fishy-wishy, extended her neck of terror, and chomped down on fishyfoo, the fish that was a fool.  in a matter of seconds she tore it in half, then gulped one half after the other.  it was at that moment that we realized that we owned the single most awesome dorm-room pet ever.

since that night, mawma has ceased to dominate her biome.  she has eaten 20 daggum shiny schwimmers in 2 weeks.  the record so far is 5 in one night.  one morning we saw a fish eye, i kid you not, floating around the territory of doom.  a single eye.  just this evening we witnessed the 3rd dinner-party.  fishslo, the fish that was slow, shall no longer swim the aquatic residence of mawma. 

eating is not the only cool power of mawma.  just today i noticed a large, long, tubular shaped item on the aquarium floor.  i thought "that looks like a faece".  i scooped it up, and by golly, it was a faece among faeces.  the sucker was over an inch long... mawma is only about 4 inches long.  i was impressed and proud of my dear terrapin. 

basically i say all that to say this:  my pet is better than yours.  sure your pet may sit and roll over and be potty trained, but mine is too cool for that.  mawma doesnt have to do boring tricks to impress the world.  mawma doesnt have to be potty trained, potty training needs to be mawma-ed.  mawma is one shell of a pet.  she gives fish shell schock, and is cooler than the snazziest of shellular telephones.  sheldom does she cease to impress as she shellevates the morale of all who see her.